Towsh. A collection of good calls and great comebacks by comedians and funny civilians.

Oh, Hen’s Nights…

On a rowdy Saturday night at the Sit Down Comedy Club in Brisbane, Joe Shaffer has been spending about half his time dealing with a noisy hen’s night. The hen stops everything to come up and give Joe a small black rubber cock.

Joe: I don’t know what to make of this.

Hen: Aw, just give it a lick and make something of it.

Joe: How about you give me a lick and make something of yourself?

(Source: http)

Deakin Ruffles some Rainbow Feathers.

Wayne Deakin headlining the Last Laugh Comedy Club in Melbourne runs into a few dirty looks from a pair of 50 something women in the front row…. He’s killing, everyone is laughing, one tries to buzzkill and remarks, “that’s not funny”…. and Deaks drops the hammer…

Wayne - “That’s Not Funny? You guys Lesbians?

Ladies - “No” (outraged)

Wayne - “Seriously? with those haircuts….What do you do?”

Ladies - “We’re on Radio?”

Wayne - “You guys write Reviews (Crowd gets the giggles) ….. What station?”

Ladies - “Not going to tell you”

Wayne - “Oh so it’s just you two out the back on the hand radio”

Ladies get up and leave to the sound of laughter and applause…

Towsh!

English Dame Receives Truth Bomb.

In Hereford, a country town nearish the Welsh border a mouthy 50+ woman keeps piping up during the show.  MC Kevin Shepherd has toyed around with her long enough….

Woman:  Blah blah, menopause antiques roadshow blah.

Kevin: Are you married?

Woman: Yes I am, ma husband is at home.

Kevin: Yeah probably having a great time,  masturbating to silence…..

Standing ovation ensues.

Towsh!

(Source: kevcaronicle.wordpress.com)

First impression

Sydney comic Michael Workman was starting his impression of a snake, on stage at the Sydney Comedy Store. Before he can explain what the impression is, a heckler asks

“Is it a Dickhead?”

Workman responds,

“But sir, I don’t even know you, how can I do an impression of you?”

TOWSH!

Cranky Customer

Working behind a very busy bar (5 rows deep) on a Saturday night I tried to be as fair as I could be and serve the masses in the same order they arrived at the bar. When I started serving a customer who I thought was next the guy next to him blew his top, swearing at me and finishing with “I was fucking next dickhead”

I looked at him, smiled, and responded “calm down mate, nothings changed, you are still next” and continued to serve the guy next to him.

Towsh!