Towsh. A collection of good calls and great comebacks by comedians and funny civilians.

Deakin Ruffles some Rainbow Feathers.

Wayne Deakin headlining the Last Laugh Comedy Club in Melbourne runs into a few dirty looks from a pair of 50 something women in the front row…. He’s killing, everyone is laughing, one tries to buzzkill and remarks, “that’s not funny”…. and Deaks drops the hammer…

Wayne - “That’s Not Funny? You guys Lesbians?

Ladies - “No” (outraged)

Wayne - “Seriously? with those haircuts….What do you do?”

Ladies - “We’re on Radio?”

Wayne - “You guys write Reviews (Crowd gets the giggles) ….. What station?”

Ladies - “Not going to tell you”

Wayne - “Oh so it’s just you two out the back on the hand radio”

Ladies get up and leave to the sound of laughter and applause…

Towsh!

English Dame Receives Truth Bomb.

In Hereford, a country town nearish the Welsh border a mouthy 50+ woman keeps piping up during the show.  MC Kevin Shepherd has toyed around with her long enough….

Woman:  Blah blah, menopause antiques roadshow blah.

Kevin: Are you married?

Woman: Yes I am, ma husband is at home.

Kevin: Yeah probably having a great time,  masturbating to silence…..

Standing ovation ensues.

Towsh!

(Source: kevcaronicle.wordpress.com)

First impression

Sydney comic Michael Workman was starting his impression of a snake, on stage at the Sydney Comedy Store. Before he can explain what the impression is, a heckler asks

“Is it a Dickhead?”

Workman responds,

“But sir, I don’t even know you, how can I do an impression of you?”

TOWSH!

Cranky Customer

Working behind a very busy bar (5 rows deep) on a Saturday night I tried to be as fair as I could be and serve the masses in the same order they arrived at the bar. When I started serving a customer who I thought was next the guy next to him blew his top, swearing at me and finishing with “I was fucking next dickhead”

I looked at him, smiled, and responded “calm down mate, nothings changed, you are still next” and continued to serve the guy next to him.

Towsh!

Psych has it right

A tuesday at Susan’s Comedy Lounge in Perth is almost finished with three acts to go when Laura Davis takes the stage.  She is working some new material and is trying to intice the audience in to participating in a Rorschach Inkblot test.  She holds up the first inkblot and asks the crowd “what do you see hear?”

Some loud mouth shouts from the back of the room “A comedian dying!”

After this outburst Laura invites this dropkick onstage to perform the test one-on-one, and asks again “what do you see hear?”

He responds. “two fat chicks, sumo-wrestling”

“Ah!” says Laura. “That means your a cunt!”

Towsh!!

This dropkick went on to be ripped on by Laura and the next two acts.

(Source: facebook.com)